| Have you ever
been around someone whose attitude is constantly negative or
critical? Someone who finds something bad about every situation or
person in his or her life, and then makes sure to share his or her
negative thoughts with everyone else. This type of person can be
an extremely negative force in our lives, but have you ever stopped to
think what their lives are like? How do they see the world?
Can they be enjoying their brief stay on this planet if they're always
criticizing and complaining? I don't think so.
I have to say
that I sympathize with those people more than most because I've been
there. Much of what's going on in those people's minds is a result
of treatment they've received at the hands of others. I've found
out in recent years that much of my own lack of optimism has to do with
my father's alcoholism--it's extremely common for adult children of
alcoholics to feel a lack of hope, to wonder when everything's going to
go wrong again--and to try to prepare ourselves mentally and emotionally
for any let-downs. And while I will never use my father's
alcoholism as an excuse for any of my own behaviors, it's good to know
that there's an explanation for the origin of the feelings. In
fact, I try very hard not to express negative thoughts when they
cross my mind, but they do come out. Dyslexics and people with
ADD, as two examples, tend to have been criticized their entire lives
for not performing up to their potential--they've been called lazy and
have failed classes they should have passed because of a physiological
problem, and they have a hard time thinking that things can turn out
well in any situation.
But the times
when my negative attitude have been the strongest have been my darkest
days. Those have been the days when I've seen no hope for the
future, when I've felt no possibility of change for the better.
I've seen everything darkly, but I've rarely shared that attitude with
others. Those have been the days of depression and fear, and I've
never lived my life fully on those days. As Longfellow points out,
though, "Some days must be dreary." I've had my share of
dreary days, and I try to respect other people's dreary days.
On the other
hand, I've also had days when I've complained a lot. Sometimes
I've had good reasons to complain, other times I've complained about
trivialities that really didn't matter in my life or in the lives of
those around me. Sometimes people have been unfair to me, but my
reactions to that unfairness have caused me to have some pretty
miserable days. Those have been the days when I've dwelled on the
unfairness, when I've focused so much of my energy on being angry or
resentful that I've gotten little to nothing out of those particular
days. It's been pretty horrible to me, but I can imagine that it
wasn't all that pleasant for those people around me, either.
So where am I
going with this? Hang in there--the point is here. I've
found that I'm the only person in charge of my attitude. I'm the
only person who can control it, but even more important to me was
learning that I can control it. I've always felt that my
attitude was a result of circumstances, but it's not. In fact,
very often circumstances are the result of attitude. When I found
out that my attitude was a result of my own thoughts, I finally felt
that I had a grasp on making my own world a pleasant place to live
in--nothing was out of my control if I just kept my attitude
healthy. And the result was beautiful--it's like a never-ending
circle, for the positive attitude caused more positive things to happen,
and with more positive things happening, I had more reason to feel
positive, and it all felt quite good. I also found that when I
brought a bright and positive attitude to others, I was able to affect
them positively, too, and put a bright moment or three in their lives,
which made me feel wonderful.
A negative
attitude is the result of many factors, but it's not an uncontrollable
result. You do have a say in how your attitude is. Carry
around a negative attitude and people will not want to be around you and
may avoid you, thus adding to that never-ending circle. But show
the world a positive attitude--even if that's not how you're feeling
inside--and you'll start to see more positive things happening in
your life, and soon that will be how you feel inside. Life's too
short and beautiful to look at darkly and hopelessly, so do your best to
see it brightly, and share that brightness with others, and you'll see
how much of a change you'll go through. Nobody wants to see you be
negative, but they also don't want to be dragged down, so they'll avoid
you rather than help you. Please, be someone who lifts others up,
not someone who drags others down. |
